Attempts 1, 2 & 3
by accordianpea
Summary: Taking place directly after ep 26. Billy didn't realize smashing his talent into Spencer would mean uh... losing it himself. He wants it back. This issss silly Spencer/Billy


Bless FF user shotaorbit. This was written for them b/c they are wonderful & I love them. And because this show needs more fic dang

This ends abruptly SORRY

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With the creation of Spencer's new emotionally-charged hit single, everybody was happy; the birds had condos and full scholarships, Ponzi had the satisfaction of having gotten work out of the boy, and Spencer had a brand-new camera to film with. Billy also seemed quite pleased with everything- or, himself. He sat next to the radio, blasting the volume every time Spencer's song did its rounds. Of course this was narcissistic pride; Billy was ecstatic to get to hear his own melodious tones riding the air-waves yet again, even if in a different package. Spencer tinkered with his new camera in the corner as the song repeated in the background, Billy swaying off-beat to the radio, the faint sound of his voice waning in and out of range.

A shrill cry broke the peaceful silence; Billy suddenly wailed like a banshee and was wrapped around Spencer's head like a cat in half a second, clawing at his face, prying fingers into his mouth.

"What what what what!" Spence garbled and grabbed Billy's sides, trying to yank him off, but the man stretched like gum, totally stuck. "Dude dude DUDE get off of me! What gives!" Spencer stumbled around the room, crashing into everything, still clawing panicked at Billy.

"GIVE IT BACK" Billy screamed, now stretching to constrict Spence like a boa, causing both to come crashing to the ground.

"Give WHAT I never took anything! Billy!"

"MY TALENT."

It pinged in Spencer's mind now; right, right... Billy had totally uh... pulled his singing talent from his lips, and slapped it onto (into?) his. He didn't think the exchange meant Billy actually forfeiting his talent, and judging by this reaction, Billy mustn't have thought that far, either.

"Oh, that! Geez man cool off," Spencer rapidly stretched his legs and arms out, springing Billy off. Billy's arms and legs curled inward upon impact with the ground; he lay shriveled up on the floor like a dying spider.

"I tried to sing and it sounded like MONDO GARBAGE," Billy whined, eyes suddenly full of tears. "It sounded hideous, foul, nothing like the beauty that should rightfully be flowing through these killer lips! I need it back, man! I need it noooooow." Billy strung a deflated arm dramatically across his face, his other hand making pathetic grabby motions towards Spencer.

"Buddy, you gotta remember to use your words before flipping out like that... " Spencer sighed but smiled, shaking his head and running a hand through his thoroughly-mussed hair. "You only had to ask me. I'm not gonna hold it hostage. I'm a movie-man, not a singer. With all this camera stuff settled, I've got no use for it... horror-musical isn't a popular genre. Just take it back." Spencer closed his eyes and opened his mouth, leaning back on his arms.

"Aw snap! You're great bro, not many would give up the gift of BJC's incredible talent. I'll just..." Billy's hand clasped over Spencer's mouth, gripped, and yanked.

"DUDE, ow!" Spencer protested, but Billy naturally panicked and frantically tugged harder.

"ow ow OW I SAID OW," Spencer shoved Billy off, rubbing his face. "You can't just yank my mouth off!"

"Well that's how I gave you my power!"

"You don't know how to take it back?" Spencer spit.

"I didn't think that faaaar," Billy whimpered, once again crumpling on the floor, resuming exaggerated whining. "I neeeed my talent... withering... away...worthless... butstillgoodlooking... but worthless..." Billy began to shrink smaller and smaller. Spencer sat up and grabbed Billy by the shoulders, forcing the guy to sit up.

"Billy, Billy c'mon! There's always a way to reverse this stuff, right? I'm sure we'll figure it out," he cooed, waiting for Billy to spring back. And of course, he did, just a beat later, though he was still a little pale (well... for his blue complexion).

"Right, RIGHT," Billy leapt out of Spencer's arms, spontaneously invigorated. "ATTEMPT NUMBER TWO: SUCTION" he loudly announced, giving Spencer about .2 seconds of preparation before morphing his head into a literal vacuum and switching it on inches in front of Spencer's mouth.

A cacophony of screaming and flailing commenced, Billy's fingers gripping Spencer's shoulders tight to hold the boy still. This went on for a full minute before Spencer could successfully kick Billy off, gasping and screeching "ENOUGH! Billy!"

Billy switched back to his typical gorgeous face, still floating above the floor where Spencer had kicked him off. Billy cleared his throat, laid hand to his chest, and began to sing.

...terribly. The off-key atonal screeching that commenced was the true sound of failure. Billy once again erupted into a pathetic, crying mess on the floor. Literally, he degraded into a puddle of ectoplasm on the floor.

Spencer sat back, grabbing his chest and still trying to catch the breath that was sucked out of him. Once he had calmed down enough, he shot a pissy look at Billy, but it changed upon seeing the poor mess that was his ghost. All of that trouble, with no payoff.

"I'm sorry, bro..." Spencer dipped his hand sympathetically into the puddle of Billy. This was certainly all Billy's fault, but he still felt awful for it. "We'll figure it out! There's still stuff to try, right?" He couldn't think of any but... if he got it into him so easily, there had to be a way to get it out, yeah?

The puddle huffed, forming arms just to cross them. Spencer swayed a hand through his friend comfortingly, slouching over. "C'mon, bro, giving up is lame... You're Billy Joe Cobra!" if there was one thing that would work on Billy, it was pumping him up by inflating his ego. "This talent is YEARNING for you, dude! You gotta rescue it. It's wasting away in me! I can hear it crying out for you! It says... BillyyYyYY, get me out of this haaaAaack."

Billy sniffled, begrudgingly beginning to re-form. He was so predictable, Spencer had to smile. "There ya go buddy. Let's give it another shot, huh?" Spencer lifted his hand up, allowing Billy to finish pulling himself together before putting a hand on his shoulder. Billy still looked miserable, but there was that spark in his eye. The ghost wiped his nose, sighed out, and grinned.

"Alright bro. It's time for..." Billy suddenly sprung, floating up and pointing into the air emphatically as he shouted, "ATTEMPT THREE: MOUTH TO MOUTH."

Again without any proper warning for what was exactly going to happen, Spencer just had to tense and steady himself for whatever assault on his person was about to commence as Billy lunged forward.

The ghost's hands clasped around Spencer's shoulders, slamming him full-force into the ground, and his

mouth definitely smashed into Spencer's, okay! Spencer shrieked, though it was muffled under Billy's extremely firm, uh, kiss. He tried to wiggle under him, but he was sturdily pinned, only managing to wobble side to side a little. Billy was sucking fervently against his lips; Spencer opened his eyes long enough to see Billy's furrowed brows of furious concentration, and then had to squeeze his eyes shut again, very very strongly wishing he hadn't added visual to this experience. For a moment Billy managed to suck Spencer's lower lip- into- into his mouth. Spencer felt Billy's teeth a-and for a fleeting second, his tongue- His- - Billy's-

A slick popping noise heralded the end, and Spencer shot up and gasped desperately for breath, one hand hanging in front of his mouth. Once enough air was in him, he furiously rubbed his lips like it could remove the physical memory.

"DUDE," Spencer's voice shook out. Billy was already across the room, graciously practicing his falsetto. "DUDE!" Spencer protested louder.

Billy didn't turn around, merely waved a hand back, "gimme sec bro I'm testin' the vocals."

"BILLY" Spencer choked out, flabbergasted. "What! The! What even! You kissed me!"

"What," Billy responded distractedly, "naw I didn't." He resumed trying to hold notes, nonplussed.

"Yes! You did! What-! How are you saying that wasn't a kiss? Dude!" Spencer's voice switched up and down octaves, like Billy had sucked the puberty out of him.

"Chill out my man," Billy waved a hand in Spencer's direction, paying him no mind as he fiddled with his key-tar.

Spencer tensed, as frustrated as he was baffled. He didn't want this to be 'a thing' or a 'deal', but he could not deal with... THIS. This complete refusal of what just blatantly happened! Kissing a bro without warning was messed up and weird, whatever the justification, and he wasn't going to let Billy get away with not taking responsibility for his actions.

"That was my first kiss!" Spencer whined.

"No it wasn't," Billy casually retorted. "Wait, you haven't been kissed?"

"Well NOW I have," Spencer crossed his arms. "Now I can't share that special romantic first-kiss moment with a special girl. Because my BRO stole it!"

"Duuuuude," Billy started, bending far enough back to look at Spencer while still holding and strumming the guitar. "You are seriously confused. That wasn't kissing, kissing is waaay different. Not even close. I was a kissing MASTER, Bromeo, I was mackin' it with the groupies all day long, I was a PRO. I know kissing. That wasn't kissin'."

Spencer's head was spinning. "Okay. For one thing, good thing you're a ghost or else I'd probably have mono. Or worse. For another, what is EVEN your definition of 'kissing' if WHAT JUST HAPPENED doesn't qualify?"

"Aaaah," Billy lovingly began, shaking his head and making chiding little 'tsk tsk tsk's (which made Spencer fume). "You poor, naive child-"

"THAT YOU KISSED" Spencer snapped.

Billy merely made more sorrowful tsk sounds at that.

"Bro, oh bro. That is not a kiss. A kiss is..."

Spencer jumped as Billy dropped the key-tar, eyes wide and skin prickling. He felt completely paralyzed, terrified of what was potentially to come as Billy swirled around and-

and turned, back towards Spencer, wrapping his own arms and legs around himself. Mock-making out with himself. Making a litany of impassioned noises, grabbing at his own hair, sliding hands under his own shirt and groping his body in pretend wanton rapture. He even imitated a woman's voice moaning periodic 'ooh Billy you're so good' 'mmm what a talented tongue' 'so hot wow' and another mess of phrases completely lost in the gratuitous mouth-smacking noises Billy was also providing.

"ENOUGH okay okay okay!" Spencer choked out, waving hands around and finally shutting his eyes. "I get it I get it! Stoooooop." He wailed. Billy obliged, unwrapping from himself- somehow covered in lipstick, completely disheveled, shirt-and pants-halfway undone. Spencer made the mistake of opening his eyes again, immediately turning flushed and covering his mouth.

"Glad to help bromigo," Billy hummed in satisfaction, not skipping a beat, fluidly returning to plucking at his instrument. Spencer kept a hand over his mouth, still red, not talking.

"Hey Spence I think that last thing worked," Billy cheerfully chimes. "I can totally feel the rush of talent flowing through my musical veins again!"


End file.
